Let me get my bearings
Nov 24, 2008 4:14 PM
The baler was a total loss. Try not to choke on the irony here, but my favorite Deere salesman, whose voice-mail greeting says, “This is Honest RC, The Farmer’s Friend From Beginning To End,” had been out to look at the baler the day before. We had asked about trading it off for a new one for next season. Turns out Honest RC was on the phone with Guy No. 1 closing the deal when I was trying to call for help. RC told me later, “Roger and I were just getting done and all of a sudden he says, ‘Uh-oh. I think we have a bale on fire, Dick.’ Then he paused and said, ‘Uhhhhhh, no, it’s a baler.’”
Guy No. 1 finds text messages to be too wordy.
Within minutes of all the fire truck excitement, and even before they left the scene, my phone rang. It was the Deere dealership’s number. I answered with my standard greeting of, “Hello, this is Jeff.”
It was Mike, the service manager, on the other end. “Is this Jeff ‘Scorch’ Ryan?”
Well, so much for keeping this incident quiet!
Mike said he understood I may be in need of a baler and probably didn’t finish baling for the day right at the end of the last windrow. A loaner baler was available and they would either send it up to me or we could come and pick it up. I told them to get it on its way. Honest RC showed up about an hour later and I was back to baling within two hours of the original problem. Believe me when I say that RC's voice-mail greeting is dead on.
After dark, I got the skid loader and headed up to the scene of the crime to drag the baler carcass out of the mud hole that had been created by the tanker truck's contents. The tire on the downwind side had melted in the blaze, but the one on the upwind side was in good shape. I sort of wanted to get the carcass removed, seeing as how it was pretty close to the highway and a breeze all night long could not be good. I dragged the carcass ahead a few yards to dry ground and planned to return to put a replacement tire on the carcass and get it out of there without leaving a trail by dragging it on its rim. First, I had to feed cattle.
As I was in the middle of feeding cattle around 9:00, my phone rang again. Guy No. 1 wanted to inform me, “There's a ball of flame in the field again. It looks big. You must have churned up some sparks when you moved the baler.”
Perhaps. Did you call 911 already?
“No.”
I see. So you just wanted to call and let me know the field is on fire, because I’m probably a one-digit speed dial for you, whereas 911 requires the pushing of THREE buttons!?!? So, do you want ME to call 911?
“Yeah, I suppose.”
I dialed up the number and got the same dispatcher as before. “This is Jeff Ryan. My baler has reignited again. It’s the same spot as before.”
“Okay, I’ll let them know.”
I was in the middle of chores, so I decided it would be wise to finish feeding the cows rather than leave them hungry, thereby giving them a reason to go through a fence if I left to watch another blaze, and then creating a traffic disaster when they would spill onto Highway 9, looking for feed. By the time I had them fed (and securely quiet), I hopped on the four-wheeler to head to the scene of The Towering Inferno II. The trucks were already leaving as I pulled up. The firefighters didn't even stop to chat with me or give me any more static. Turns out their annual pancake supper was that night, so they barely got done with my first blaze in time to get back to flip flapjacks before heading back to splash me again.
I did a little fire marshal work at the scene. All around the baler carcass were crunchy cornstalks. Not a sign of fire anywhere. Zero. At the site of the bale carcass I had dumped before, though, was a whole new area of scorched earth. It was a much bigger area than before, so I was pretty sure the second fire had nothing to do with the baler and everything to do with the remnants of the bale fire. Looked to me like maybe some embers must have smoldered in that incredibly tight, extremely well-made bale.
On my next baler, I don’t want the pressure gauge to be one of those standard-issue ones with a green, yellow and red range from low to high. I want it to run from "Boring" to "Full of Adventure!"
Guy No. 2
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