Or what we could do...

Sep 3, 2008 4:32 PM, By Jeff Ryan

Again, on a 2-to-1 vote, it was decided that no straps would be necessary. We got it from the foundation to the flatbed and it didn’t fall off. That meant the trip from the yard to the timber via the hay field should be just as easy. I mean, it’s not like we’d be going across ground that was too steep to continually raise corn or anything! Who’d want to strap down something on a route like that? WIMPS, that’s who! Tie-down straps? We don’t need no stinking tie-down straps!

With Guy No. 1 behind the wheel, we got the shed jockeyed around in the yard and headed for the hay field. I figured we were going from there to the road via a driveway in the field. As we approached the driveway, another executive decision was made. This one had more of a dictator feel to it than a governance-by-committee feel. The power line overhead looked kinda low, and the approach to the road looked kinda steep. Seeing as how I was close by and easily dispensable for anything, I could quickly drive ahead of the mobile shed and remove all the electric fence in the pasture to enable Guy No. 1 to drive straight down to the brush pile in the timber with the cargo. Between gates and fences, we’d really only cross three or four, so why not just go that route? P.S., Guy No. 1 would neither stop nor slow down as he went across the field, so make sure the fence was down as he got to it or he’d just drive through it and I could clean up the mess afterwards. We’d waited 20 years to tear down the granary, but we apparently didn’t have 10 minutes to spare to clear a path for its removal. It reminded me of one of my favorite lines from Dennis Miller. “I was stuck in traffic the other day. Turns out it was a funeral procession. Yeah, I gotta wait around . . . cuz a DEAD GUY needs to make good time!”

I got the first gate opened up wide enough for the procession to pass through with no problem. I got the second one down just before it was run over. Small problem, though. The terrain dropped a bit from that paddock into the next one. That meant the very back end of the trailer caught the electric fence wire as it went through. I flagged Guy No. 1 to a stop and told him to back up so the wire would unhook from the trailer. That’s how the logic flowed in my TV-influenced little brain: Watch scene. Dislike outcome. Hit Rewind. Press Play. Fully expect different outcome.

Guess what. We hit Rewind a couple times, but the scene kept replaying exactly the same each time. Go figure. I should stick with Cut and Paste instead of Rewind.

There was one solution. Again, using TGF corporate logic, it was determined that the youngest and most flexible participant could crawl underneath the trailer and un-snag the wire. Shouldn’t take but a couple seconds. A little extra Tide in the wash that night should pretty well clear up any grass stains on the Levis. Of course, if the shed happened to tip off the flatbed while I was under it (You know, what with the LACK OF TIE-DOWN STRAPS!), grass stains may be the least of my laundry concerns, or those of my estate and my mortician.