Had I been a horse…
May 18, 2009 2:18 PM, By Jeff Ryan
Yeah, yeah, it’ll take three times as long. I know, I know.
The final item on the therapy agenda was the best, in my opinion. My foot needed to be wrapped each day. Tape me up like some defensive lineman who was one season beyond retirement but still played thanks to the expertise of a trainer and the wonderful line of products from the good people at Johnson & Johnson and Ace Bandage. Dr. FeelGood got out a roll of wrap and proceeded to show me how to wrap the foot in such a way to support it without causing problems with circulation for me.
That’s when Dr. FeelGood hopped in with a farmer-friendly solution to my podiatry needs. He held up the roll of wrap and said, “This stuff is eight bucks a roll. It’s okay, but, you know, it’s not worth eight bucks! You’re gonna think I’m crazy, but I have a way better idea for you.”
I had a hunch where this was going, but I didn’t say anything, because it would be embarrassing if I happened to be wrong.
“Go down the street to Fisk’s [the Farm & Home store] and get yourself a roll of Hoof Wrap. [YES!!! My hunch was correct!] You can probably buy a case of it for five bucks. It works just like this stuff does, but my supplier can’t get me this stuff for any less than eight bucks. With Hoof Wrap, you won’t have to mess with these ridiculous clips to hold the wrap in place, either. It’s good stuff.”
I mentioned that Hoof Warp also comes in attractive neon colors instead of the drab beige of the high-end medical stuff. Dr. FeelGood felt the neon part was a clincher.
So now I, Mr. Always-Meets-His-Insurance-Deductible-By-February-Each-Year, took my health care action to the Animal Health section of the local farm supply store instead of a pharmacy. It was all I could do when I walked up to the cash register at Fisk’s NOT to whip out my insurance card.
As I walked to my car, I kept reminding myself, “If I were a horse, I’m pretty sure they’d have put me down by now. Thank God for my opposable thumbs!”
If my stomach ever becomes a problem, I’ll be sure to put myself on some of the high-quality hay in the shed. I’ll bill myself like it was high-end dairy hay, just to make it feel like it was a high-priced medical solution.
Guy No. 2
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